Tom doesn't want a Smokin' Wife

Tom Cruise has reportedly banned Katie Holmes from smoking. The domineering pro-scientology actor is said to have been furious after discovering his actress wife had taken up the butt-sucking habit again and is now trying to force her into giving up cigarettes.

A source said: "Tom leads a very disciplined life and happily encourages Katie to follow Scientology and purification detoxes. He is livid she’s started smoking again and is doing everything he can to put pressure on her to quit what he calls a filthy habit."

That's the funny thing about Scientologists. They swear by anything L.Ron Hubbard uttered or wrote, until it's something they don't agree with. I believe it's called cherry-picking, Tom.

You see, L.Ron said in one of his expensive lectures (SHSBC-35 6107C19, Q-and-A Period: Auditor Effect on Meter, 19th July 1961):
"... Not smoking enough will cause lung cancer. Not smoking enough will cause lung cancer!...". And for you doubters, here is an excerpt of the audio from that lecture. Take it away, Ron....

• link to more of Hubbard • transcript of above

From SHSBC-35 6107C19, Q-and-A Period: Auditor Effect on Meter, 19th July 1961:"Well, there are societies in England that are having an awfully good time fighting the cigarette. They can't do anything else, so they fight cigarettes. And they say that the cigarette causes lung cancer. And they've -- you've been hearing something of this, I'm sure. Yeah. Not smoking enough will cause lung cancer. Not smoking enough will cause lung cancer! If anybody is getting a cancerous activity in the lung, the probabilities are that it's radiation dosage coupled with the fact that he smokes. And what it does is start to run out the radiation dosage, don't you see. But I'd say that would be better than not running out any of the radiation dosage at all and the number of lung cancer cases which exist, of course, that don't smoke are just forgotten about by these societies, but they are very numerous.<br /><br />Anyway, there's nicotinic acid in that cigarette. Inevitably, on inhalation of tobacco, you will get some of this phenomena of face flush, but in view of the fact that a cigarette isn't pushing its smoke over the outside of the body but on the inside, of course, you run it out internally"

Tom Loses 'Cruise Control'

		Tom Cruise's career may have had its ups and downs, but one thing that's always remained constant are his controlling tendencies. And this so-called 'Cruise control' is clearest when he's with the glamorous ladies in his life. These days the super-thetan is usually seen dragging his young robot wife Katie Holmes, along the red carpet, or posing with purpose alongside his supposed close friends. The domineering stance and tight grip has been Tom's trademark red-carpet move since becoming Hollywood's darling after the big successes of Top Gun and Cocktail.
But there's one little lady in Tom's life that doesn't seem to take a liking to 'the highway speed limit' on Cruise Ave. That is of course, Little Suri. This little hotrod decided she was going to 'Go Maverick' on dear old dad accompanied by wingman, also brother, Connor, during a stroll in Beverly Hills, Calif. 'Colonel Claus Couchjumper' caught up to 'the last Suri' by the time they needed to cross the street, securing the mischief maker’s little hand in his. Ahhhhh. Back in control. No more buzzing the tower for you, little missy.

Scientology only wants BIG STARS

the bigger, the better

...and your not going to get much bigger star than, former Cheers actress, Kirstie Alley, down at the Big Ol' UFO Celeb Center, in Hollywood Ca. Quoting wikipedia, she thanks (blames) ex-husband Parker Stevenson 'for giving me the big one for the last eight years', You'd think she'd try to find a way to give it all back.

Her increasing gravity-footprint could be explained by L.Ron Hubbard's 'dropping of his body', so he could venture to TARGET 2. Everyone assumed it would be another planet or dimension. Turns out, TARGET 2 might just be under Kirstie's moo-moo. If this is true, then it explains why TARGET 2 has been expanding expeditiously.

Then again, she just might of inherited one big body-thetan. The 200 lb. variety. Better hop on the Emeter-Treadmill to confront and shatter that one.

And what big projects has OT-Alley got on the horizon? Well, if we jump over to IMDB, it seems shes got a blockbuster of a bit part in Nailed coming up (woo-hoo!). Also note, she turned down the role of Saavik in Star Trek III (1984) because the producers would not meet her salary demands and because she didn't want to be typecast as a science fiction actress.
Yeah, better to join a UFO cult and be a sci-fi actress rather than be typecast as someone who just plays one.

See, when you join Scientology, you become a BIG MOVIE STAR. So dole out your hundreds of thousands of dollars today, and you too can become an OT (Overweight Thespian). And when they ask "how big of star do you want to be?", follow Kirstie's lead, and say "SUPER-SIZE ME!"

Scientology: Stompdown in Twangtown

Chanology Protesters Square Off With Scientology Goons at Celebrity Center

From WhyWeProtest forum. Note: This is a breaking story. See forum for up-to-date details.
Saturday, April 25^th, Chanology protesters, an off shoot of Anonymous, went to the Scientology Celebrity Center, in Nashville TN, to protest their grand opening. The following is an account from one of the protesters, Elbynonamous,:

We were walking up 8th Ave to the party. They had a huge stage up in the middle of 8th Ave, and had everything in front of the CoS blocked. There was a "Sidewalk Closed" sign about 500 yards from where we were stopped. There were no signs anywhere else, other than a "Left Lane Closed" sign that we were just in front of.

Security guards swarmed, 3 from directly in front of us, and 2 that ran across the street. They said "Take off your masks or we'll take them off for you". They said we needed to "take our asses out of here".


I asked the female guard, "Is this not a public sidewalk?" She said no, that they had purchased the sidewalks for the day and that we needed to leave. I replied that there weren't any signs. She started screaming that we needed to get the fuck out, so we turned to leave.

As Anon 44 turned to leave, they came at him from behind, sideswiped his legs, and threw him to the ground. As they pinned him to ground, they screamed at him that he needed to leave. He said over and over, "I'm willing to leave! I'm trying to leave!" and they still screamed that he needed to leave.

Note we were STILL about 500 yards from the first "sidewalk closed" sign. I called 911, it took them over 30 minutes to send an officer out. BY that point, we had 44 back, bruised and scraped. When he was walking away, he actually skipped back to us. ROFL.

He was cited with a Misdemeanor for "Aggravated Criminal Trespassing". The cop that showed up 30 minutes after the 911 call refused me a police report. He was very rude.

Added in an edit later: Their sidewalk permits did not extend to where we were. They also were not booked on the day we were there; they expired on the 24th.
They also cited him wrong on the actual citation: they said he trespassed onto Olympic, but the only time he actually crossed Olympic is when THEY took him there. In handcuffs.

This is not the first time Scientology has employed these type tactics when it comes to protesters in high profile locations. Just this week, charges were dropped against Mark Bunker and Doug Owens. They were arrested in a protest in Hemet, CA outside the gates of Golden Era Studios (Scientology's international headquarters). Bunker says: "Seems there really was no reason to put us under citizen’s arrest, except as a PR move...".

OT8 = Show Me The Money

Over at WWP, an anon leaked on of the recent email fliers he'd received. For the new OT8 level, it was a measly $20,750.⁰⁰, just for that level. Sure, it starts out with that free stress test, but from there, get out your credit card.

The purpose of Scientology is not to help people, and it never has been. To the core, it has a capitalist agenda, raw, brutal capitalist agenda topped with a very sophisticated belief system which tries to explain away the reasons why some people are excluded from the the aid of Scientology. Help those who are able to be helped, who can pay for services and are gullible enough to believe in Scientology tech, but leave those who cannot on the streets to fend for themselves. Yes, that is humanitarian aid indeed.

It is typical for any religious organization to ask its members for donations, and in many churches it's part of the regular weekly worship. Within the Church of Scientology, the term "donation" takes on a whole new meaning. Much of the structure of Scientology is based on advancing on what they call the "Bridge to Total Freedom." To continue making progress, the Scientologist must take classes and do "auditing" sessions, a practice likened to confession or therapy, in order to get control of one's Thetan (similar to soul). To participate in Scientology courses or receive auditing, the prospective Scientologist must pay a "fixed donation." No money, no services.

Dianetics auditing offers a series of therapeutic "courses" (with payment by contract in advance) on a path from "pre-release" to "release" to "pre-clear" to the rare but ultimate "clear" (of all engrams) to reach "total freedom." Each treatment course is really a succession of auditing sessions to rid the individual of unwanted attitudes, emotions and behaviors. Auditors themselves receive training through courses of their own. This works as a sort of pyramid scheme, with thousands of people auditing those at levels below them while being audited by others at levels above them. As in all pyramid schemes, most of the money ends up at the top.

And to sum up what Scientology is all about is Tom Cruise himself, from the movie Jerry Maguire. Yes, you too can be just like Tom. Have superhuman powers! The ability to leave your body! To shape space and time with your mind! To be impervious to disease and live forever! And all for only a mere $100,000 in cash, several years of your life, separation from your family and friends, and complete dedication to a dead pulp-fiction writer who dreamed up a religion starring disembodied alien souls being carried through the galaxy on spacecraft shaped like DC-8s! Join today!..or not.

Poll Stuffers Go Cruise'n

According to jossip.com, A week ago yesterday, Parade sent out a press release like any other, hoping to generate a little buzz for its website, which polled readers on their thoughts about Tom Cruise. We saw the same shocking statistic that Parade's editors did;

• 84 % of of the 5,200 votes said the media were to blame for Cruise's "difficult year". Sounded a little bit odd to us, too. While nobody is making the outright claim Cruise or the Church of Scientology rigged the poll, Parade says there was plenty of suspicious behavior, reported Page Six this morning. Then Parade followed up with Jossip directly, relaying this:

Parade.com conducted an online poll asking readers whether they thought Tom Cruise was responsible for his difficult year or whether it was the media's fault. We were surprised when 84% of respondents said the media was to blame for his tough year and that Cruise did NOT bring his image problems on himself.

We at Parade found this a little bit fishy - so we did some investigating. We found out more than 14,000 (of the 18,000+ votes) that came in, were cast from only 10 computers! Furthermore, there was one computer responsible for nearly 8,400 votes alone, all blaming the media for Tom's troubles. We also discovered that at least two other machines were the sources of inordinate numbers of votes.

It seems these folks (whoever they may be) resorted to extraordinary measures to try to portray Tom in a positive light for the Parade.com survey. There is even a chance they wrote a special "bot" program for the sole purpose of skewing the results, rather than casting the votes by hand on a computer. Sounds like a pretty devoted group of people, don't you think?

Over at FoxNews, they added:
Collado told FOXNews.com that people can "draw their own conclusions" as to who is behind the scam. "We really don't know; there's no way to determine that," she said. Cruise spokesman Paul Bloch told the New York Post's Page Six gossip column, which broke the story on Tuesday, "I know nothing about the poll, so we have nothing to comment on."

And from cultnews.com this epilogue:
So if it sounds like Scientologists, looks like Scientologists and smells (figuratively speaking) like Scientologists, then it just might be Scientologists that helped out their fellow believer Tom Cruise. Is Scientology's bunny running down? After all, the actor is Scientology’s “Top Gun,” and the organization must be concerned about one of its most important assets. Cruise often acts like a never ending “Eveready Energizer Bunny” promoting the controversial church at almost any opportunity, whether its curing drug addicts or dyslexia Cruise’s answer is almost always Scientology. But it seems Tom Cruise might a falling star.

• In one poll the 43-year-old actor was “voted the person people would least like to go camping overnight with” below Saddam Hussein, reported China Daily.
• He also beat Paris Hilton and Bobby Brown for the top spot in a Los Angeles Times poll as the “Tackiest Star” of 2005 reported Hollywood.com.
• Cruise picked up the title ”most irritating actor in movies” in a vote taken by Britain’s Empire Magazine.
• Not long ago the actor also won two not so coveted Razzies. A silver gong for “the most tiresome tabloid target” and he got the gold for ”unashamed romancing” reported the BBC News.

With such increasing negatives. Scientology may be sweating a bit. As anyone in advertising knows likeability makes a good spokesperson. That is, people don’t buy products from someone they don’t like. Just ask any sports star that lost an endorsement deal after some personal or professional scandal.
So if people don’t like Tom Cruise how can he successfully sell Scientology? Enter the spammers and bots to make him look like a victim by deliberately skewing a poll.

Blogder.com: Scrapes 'Fresh Meat' but 'Serves Spam'

Yesterday I was checking to make sure Google's Blog Search picked up my article, and lo-and-behold, my headline is being used in a blog-spam link farm. Not just one day, but two in a row. What really tics me off is that it got a better listing than my article, and it was a bunch of nonsensical sentences strung together.

Well, this is a first for me, so I commenced on learning some more about it. Thanks to seo-theory.com's article Web Spam 101: Blog Farms and Copy Swapping, it turns out blogder.com isn't a link farm after all.
It falls into the category mush blog farm or frog blog farm (I understand why they have those names, but couldn't find any annotations elsewhere on the net). Here's where we get to what happened to me [see image]:

"Spammers fell in love with the mush blog, where they set up robots to scrape text from other blogs, from forums, from news alerts (that auto-posting through email came in handy, didn’t it?), etc. and create small posts. Some of the mush blogs are pretty sophisticated and a few of them have lasted for several years."

So I went over to Google's spam-report and filled it out. Whether blogder.com will eventually disappear from google's blog search, it's anybody's guess. Let's see... what's on the menu for lunch today? Spam, ...again.
[/rant]

Scientology Searches for 'Fresh Meat'

Rumor is, Tom Cruise may be going the way of Kirstie Alley and John Travolta. Put out to pasture at the Scientology Celebrity Center dead horse farm. Seems when you've done too many strange things in public and deflect rather than attract new recruits into the cult, they go in search of young fresh meat to replace their insidious fledging stars. But Tom's work isn't over yet. He has to find his replacement.

• FactNet explains: Every possible effort, pressure, and sales tactic is brought to bear on existing celebrity membership to recruit other new celebrities into Scientology. Celebrities are heavily indoctrinated to their duty and responsibility of recruiting new celebrities. They also are expected to constantly promote and talk about Scientology. Recruiting and other Scientology promoting activities proves their loyalty to the organization and approves their security clearance to go to the next secret level. Celebrity activity is closely monitored. If they don't promote Scientology in their media coverage or if they don't promote it at their events or do special events for Scientology their loyalty is questioned.

That's where Angelina Jolie comes in. According to ianundercover.com, "...a top member of the Church of Scientology revealed that Angelina Jolie is the highest target on the Church’s celebrity recruiting list ". What could possibly interest Jolie about Scientology? Well, ianundercover.com goes on to say, "...sources say Cruise told Jolie he wanted to honor her with a special Scientology humanitarian award for her charity work".

There's the carrot.

• Back to FactNet: Scientology [also] exploits celebrities' vulnerability by providing a false but seemingly "meaningful" new role for their celebrity power. Scientology involvement suggests to the celebrity that they are going to be more than just fluff and frill, or another Hollywood empty headed pretty face or a sex symbol. Scientology gradually suggests to targeted celebrities that by joining this world movement they become part of a secret and special elite and are gaining a "world historic destiny" for their celebrity power. In the shallow celebrity world of Hollywood this is a powerful initial intoxication and inducement to get involved.

If she does decide to accept the award, I hope she and the people around her are grounded enough not to fall prey Scientology's "admiration-bomb". It would seem this devastating ego missile is a favorite used from Scientology's Hollywood arsenal.

• FactNet tells us, the late Yvonne Jentzsch, the original head and originator of the first Celebrity Center, said the way to hook celebrities is to "admiration-bomb" them. (This means you emotionally over flood them with attention and admiration.) From her teaching and example, the Scientology staff quickly learned as a method of invisible but powerful control to give celebrities the excessive God-like admiration they are vulnerable to.

A former celebrity center staff members reports watching her handle celebrities. Yvonne demonstrated that she could "push these admiration and attention buttons" on the celebrities to get them to do just about anything. On one hand, she'd say "We really can use these celebrities to bring in more people", and on the other hand she would talk derogatorily about the various celebrities that she was manipulating.

Keep in mind that celebrities are usually not college graduates with Doctorates. Most celebrities have no idea that there is such sophisticated and pervasive hidden manipulation governing every step of the recruiting process used to get them into Scientology.
Generally celebrities got into show business to achieve fame (attention and admiration.) These are ready made hooks for them. The Scientology recruiting con is so good that during the recruiting meeting the target celebrity is made to think that the new friends (hidden recruiters) are friendly, VERY knowledgeable and the offers of help or benefit being suggested are just the perfect coincidence to provide what just happened to be needed.

Let's all hope Jolie doesn't have a fetish for awards on the mantel. I certainly don't want to see her doing an interview video like the one below with Lara Croft soundtrack playing in the background. I don't think the internet could handle that much of a load, never mind the servers at YouTube. Not to say what it would do to her career, ehh Tom?



Read more about celebrities in Scientology at FactNet: Scientology Recruits Hollywood

Billy Troll? We Didn't Start The Flame War

We've all seen them. Flame wars, internet trolls wreaking havoc, thread derailers. Comment sections a mile long that add up to a bunch of time you wish you could recover, but never will. Well, I guess it was enevidible. Someone was going to put it to music. And I must say, what a great job they did. First, starting off with the soundtrack from Billy Joel's We Didn't Start the Fire, and added pretty much every single reply you've ever seen on a thread, and make it rhyme, lol. Apparently, somebody recouped their lost time from a battle of insults, and produced some entertainment from it. Chalk that one up as a win, because they got their 'last 20 minutes of their life back'. Whatever.

We Didn't Start The Flame War

Scientology, Jeff Hawkins and the Streisand Effect

Jeff Hawkins spent 35 years working for the Church of Scientology, all over the world, and at all echelons, including the top level at the Scientology International Base in Hemet, California. He left Scientology three years ago and has no further connection to corporate Scientology.

He just recently viewed Scientology's 2009 L.Ron Hubbard Birthday celebration video that was leaked onto the web. Here's some of his tongue in cheek thoughts on it in an open letter to David Miscavage:

• First, that opening montage. Brilliant. With all of the talk about Scientology being a ”sci-fi religion,” any lesser being would have shied away from that wall-to-wall science fiction imagery. But not you! No, siree! You didn’t flinch from presenting Scientology like a cheesy sci-fi video game!

• And that set. Amazing. It looks…well…exactly like every other set Henning Bendorff has ever designed for you. I guess there’s a virtue in monotony.

• And the “rolling thunder” technique you told us fledgling speechwriters about so many times. Yes, I remember, that’s what you called it. Brilliantly executed here. How could I forget “rolling thunder” – your way of presenting information that just builds and builds and builds – all on one long run-on sentence preferably - leading up to a massive applause point. It goes sort of like this:

“Take hundreds of orgs and missions spanning the planet and add to it thousands of missions, groups, dog grooming franchises and ice cream vendors, add in all the people who have ever Googled “Scientology,” add all of the people we’ve ever even thought about disseminating to, and you have a worldwide juggernaut spreading the truths of Scientology to billions of people worldwide, reaching into every school, police department, drug cartel, Subway sandwich franchise and government on the planet, with LRH’s message now reaching 76 quadrillion beings planetwide, and THAT’s what I call Clearing the Planet on a gargantuan scale!!!” (thundering applause).

• But why take the event off the internet? Everyone could enjoy it! And maybe someone could do you a favor and fact-check all the information you gave. Like, for instance, all of the organizations “now using LRH tech.” We could write to them and… Oh, that’s right, you don’t want it fact-checked.

Well Jeff, that's one thing about the internet. Nothing ever goes away. The more you try to hide it, the more it comes back into veiw. [see Streisand_Effect] Think of it as karma's big boomerang.
And now for your viewing enjoyment,another Scientology video event that's never going to go away:

The 2009 L.Ron Hubbard Birthday Event in it's entirety.
Each video is approximately 1 hour long, if you can stand it.
Part 1:


Part 2:


Part 3:

Leaked: Miscavige's Meaningless Mouth

From the blog, ask the scientologist:
Scientologists, I am sure, are all atwitter about David Miscavige's recent big, bloated "LRH Birthday Event". Miscavige did what he calls a "rolling thunder" presentation of impressive statistics, one right after another, big numbers, delivered with much emphasis. And meaningless. Statistics are meaningless unless you have something to compare them with. Over what period of time? Exactly what was done? And what were the results?

Rolling thunder. It's more like ONE LONG NEVER ENDING SENTENCE THAT NEVER SEEMS TO END OR MAKE ANY SENSE, BUT LISTEN, THERE'S MORE!
I don't know who writes his speeches (maybe he does), but I can only handle listening to his dribble a few minutes at a time. Here are some other opinions of his speech from WWP:

• The embellishments and exaggerations in this exceed those from that "Bagdad Bob" guy (or whatever his name was). Look at what they imply re great expansion and then look at your local orgs for example. It's full of meaningless hot air (eg: "golden age of pulp fiction", etc.). They are "experts" at using words and to create false impressions (such as Guinniess book of world records of LRH being the most published author on earth which is meaningless when you consider they sit in libraries mostly unread and people are forced to buy and rebuy them).

• Why is DM spouting the bullshit so fast? Is it so the audience don't have time to take it all in and question it, and instead just get blinded by impressive "facts and figures"? Or did someone put Red Bull in his daily bottle of scotch?

• ...the amount of meaningless statistics [citations needed] forced into DM's first 3 minutes makes my brain hurt. I assume that he laid them down so thick and fast purposely so no one there could follow and think about them.

• I can only watch this in small doses so as not to puke.

• ...given the dismal scilon situation in ohio, i would have never guessed that scientology is not only expanding like asexual bacteria in a dark damp hole, but that it is singlehandedly terraforming mars and neptune for future colonization by fully armed and operational battle-thetans.

• So basically DM doesn't even try to tell the truth anymore.

• After watching the you tube video you posted, I feel I have lost a few brain cells, and honestly I can't afford to loose more!:eek:

• I'm 30 minutes into it and my friggin' head is spinning from info. overwhelm..

• He rarely even lets the crowd laugh at his lame jokes. He just plows on through without stopping. Fucking brutal.

• Watched the whole thing. Feel a little nauseated, think it's from the numbers that DM spits out. What is the base line for those numbers, is it on a yearly basis or from when Co$ started?

• On the plus side of this epic fail, over-stuffed glitzbag of shiny lies we can laugh at the fact that DM is taking the cult down fast as the brainwashed Scientologists believe the fake stats and so think nothing is really wrong. There is nothing like fake data to bring down any organization as its steering goes off the cliff. Brace for Anon epic win if the little self-adoring tyrant continues his ego-fest.

And below, a little taste of what everyone above was critiquing:
Warning: You'll find Miscavige uses the word "indeed" as much as a politician overuses the phrase "fact of the matter is". It's like his own built-in lie detector going off.




More of this horrendous speech here.

Internet, Now 97% Email Free

Yes, it seems Bill Gates' prediction for the internet came true. He just picked the wrong horse. He boasted in 2004 that :

Spam will be a thing of the past in two years' time, Microsoft boss Bill Gates has promised. However, a three-pronged strategy would soon stamp out the problem, he said in remarks at the World Economic Forum (WEF) in Davos. Mr Gates, by now a fixture at the annual WEF's meeting of business leaders and top politicians, said a lot of progress had been made during the past year to stop spam e-mail. Filters could do a lot to sort spam from real mail, Mr Gates said: "Does the e-mail say it's about 'enlargement' - that might be spam."[duh]

But ultimately, Mr Gates predicted, spam would be killed through the electronic equivalent of a stamp, also known as "payment at risk". This would force the sender of an e-mail to pay up when an e-mail was rejected as spam, but would not deter senders of real e-mail because they could be confident that their mail would be accepted. "Microsoft is pursuing all three approaches, and spam will soon be a thing of the past," Mr Gates asserted.

Fast forward to today, A new security report from Microsoft claims that 97% of all e-mails sent are spam, and often have malicious attachments.

Thanks Bill. Seems your I'm going to rule the world with one OS venture really paid off. Now the eighth wonder of the world has been reduced to an automated 3rd class junk mail delivery system.

Suri going to Scienstupidity School

So, little Suri Cruise is going to Scientology school. Isn't that nice.

The school is located in Calabasas, California and actually funded by Will Smith. Its curriculum includes: mathematics, literacy, Spanish, karate, yoga, robotics, technology, etiquette, art, and living skills.

Doesn't sound so bad, right? Yes, it does, according to David S. Touretzky, Professor of Computer Science at Carnegie Mellon University. He's been critical of the school's use of "study technology," telling The Los Angeles Times last year:

"There is no reputable educator anywhere who endorses [study technology]. What happens is that children are inculcated with Scientology jargon and are led to regard L.R. Hubbard as an authority figure. They are laying the groundwork for later bringing people into Scientology."

Tom's going to be shelling out $12,000 a year so that the Scilons can cram a bunch crap inside her pretty little head. What type of crap, you ask? Well, here's an few examples of the kind of logic L.Ron Hubbard uses to brainwash his followers below:

Professional 101 Quiz

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a highly educated, salaried worker, who enjoys considerable work autonomy, economic security, a comfortable salary, and would stimulated being by creative and intellectually challenging work. It may also refer to a person having impressive competence in a particular activity.

• Instructions: After you have read the question, scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT that difficult. But don't scroll down UNTIL you have answered the question.




1 • Q: How do you put a giraffe in the refrigerator?
Stop and think about it. Decide on your answer before you scroll down...


1 • A: The correct answer is open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door.
This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

---

2 • Q: How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?



2 • A: Did you say open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the door?

Wrong answer!

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

---

3 • Q: The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend - except one. Which animal does not attend?



3 • A: Correct answer: The elephant - he's in the refrigerator. Didn't you just put him in there?
This tests your memory. OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true ability.

---

4 • Q: There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?



4 • A: Correct answer: You jump into the river and swim across.
Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the animal conference! This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.


• Conclusion: According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers.
Anderson Consulting says "..this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brain of a four year old."

Top Gun Three Thousand

To bad I don't live in the area, but I saw this posted at kansascity.com under special screenings:

• TOP GUN: THE SCREENLAND ROAST
Watch Tom Cruise start WWIII to impress his girl … while local comics provide live commentary.
9:30 tonight, 7 and 9:30 p.m. Saturday, Screenland Crossroads.

I'm sure it would be just as good as watching an episode of MST3K (Mystery Science Theater 3000). I can hear Joel, Crow and Tom Servo shredding this piece of high flying cellulose apart, maybe with David Miscavage and L.Ron Hubbard as Dr.Forrester and TV's Frank, respectively.

SCICO: They Just Want Your Money

Parodies of the GEICO "Kash with Eyes" commercials, spoofing scientologists as a money hungry corporation bent on world domination. Oh, wait minute...they are.

SCICO: They Just Want Your Money
Restaurant waiter tries to warn patrons about cult leader ogling their pile of kash.




SCICO: They Just Want Your Money
Kash gives a little dig into anyone that read Dianetics.



• Visit scico.r8.org to search for Scientology's price list.

Katie a Nerd? Maybe 'once in a lifetime'

Katie Holmes? No, I think not. The problem, of course, is that it impoverishes the language. If we let Katie Holmes get away with calling herself a nerd, then we no longer have the perfect word to describe Steve Wozniak. It's also offensive to all the real nerds who get swirlied, wedgied, and nerpled all over the world every day – often by lunks who look just like self-proclaimed super thetan Tom Cruise.

Since she says "I'm pretty normal, I'm not a smooth type of girl, I run into things, I trip, I spill food, I say stupid things - I really don't have it all together. But I'm working on it - I really am.", I'd throw her in the spaz category.

Unless she's hiding a pocket protector and a slide rule under her Kurt Cobain sweatshirt, and just finished installing the latest Linux update on her Netbook. Highly unlikely.

If she wanted to compare her life to a nerd's she might watch Weird Al's White and Nerdy, and see how it compares. I'm sure it's not even close.

But, there is one original nerd song that oddly, does seem to sum up her life. David Byrne with the Talking Heads, Once in a Lifetime.

IRS to Dig Deeper into Rabbitholes

Is Scientology a religion? If you ask a member, they, of course, will say yes and most likely accuse you of a hate crime just for inquiring. But, it seems when they got their 501 Exemption from the IRS, it does not necessarily make them a religion.
For instance, the Animal Humane Society falls under the same classification as Scientology, but they aren't claiming to be a church.

But it seems Scientology has covered themselves by including other Exempt Purposes like buying up historical buildings, and creating front groups like CCHR. Well, it seems the IRS is going to be looking a little deeper behind the scenes of tax-exempt organizations.

wsj.com 4/6/09 WASHINGTON Lois Lerner, the IRS's director of tax-exempt organizations, told a gathering of lawyers representing charities Monday that scrutiny of nonprofits' pay practices is likely to increase. Nonprofit leaders should be sure to practice due diligence in making sure their executive pay can be justified through data on comparable practices at similar organizations, she said.

Ms. Lerner of the IRS said the agency's redesign of charities' annual tax form – known as Form 990 – will make it easier for people to find information on executive pay. That makes it incumbent for charities to pay close attention to their pay policies, she said. The new form provides "a lot more information" on executive pay, she said.

The new form, redesigned for the first time in some 20 years, triggers detailed disclosures of various compensation perks under certain circumstances, such as when an employee makes more than $150,000. Among the compulsory disclosures: First-class air travel, expense accounts, housing allowances and the use of bodyguards, chauffeurs and personal lawyers.

I'm interested in how much David Miscavage is going to claim for compensation and all his perks at Golden Era Productions, never mind what he spends on bodyguards, chauffeurs and personal lawyers. That's going to be one deep rabbit hole.

Butch Brokeback and the Couchjump Kid

[ express.co.uk ] Oh, God, No. They're going to ruin another classic. The 1969 Western Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Cruise, 46, wants to cast himself as Redford's Sundance, while Travolta, 55, will attempt the role of Newman's Cassidy.

Apparently because the pair of operating theatans can't come up with an original idea on their own, and their favorite writer, L.Ron Hubbard isn't available. In fact Travolta found out how well Hubbard's stuff sells in Battlefield Earth.

According to a senior executive, Cruise is already interviewing screenwriters capable of recapturing the essence of the original. Hummm, can't find anybody at Scientology's Golden Era Productions to do it?

Supposedly, Cruise got the blessing of Paul Newman, who played Cassidy in the original opposite Robert Redford's Sundance, just months before the film star succumbed to lung cancer last September, an associate revealed. Hummm, just like David Miscavage got the blessing from Hubbard to take over Scientology. Funny how those things get approved after people die.

Travolta and Cruise, both Scientologists and longtime friends, have been 'itching to do something big on screen together', said a source. I think they manufacture a lotion that can remedy that.

Cruise's spokesman declined to comment. Of course.

KESQ: Child Labor, Abortions Inside Scientology

KESQ: Former Scientologists Claim Coerced Abortions, Child Labor Inside Church
Former Scientologist Maureen Bolstad:
• "I was actually one of the older ones at 17. There were 13-year-olds, 12-year-olds," Bolstad recollects. "There was just one kid, 12-years-old that was given an executive responsibility doing something. He had a complete nervous breakdown."
• "I was taught to lie too. I got a worker's comp claim form. They ask you how many hours do you work a week. And I was told to put 40 hours."
• "If a woman gets pregnant, and does not abort the child, then they are declared a suppressive person. Because, it kind of started out gradually. At first, the thing was, the Church of Scientology International did not want to pay for child care."


Also, at the end of the segment, Nathan Baca calls out Tommy Davis, spokesman for Church of Scientology, and David Miscavage, leader of the Church of Scientology, for a comment on what Channel 3 had run thus far on the Scientology VS Anonymous . As of now, no reply from either. I believe their silence speaks volumes.
It seems when given the chance to advertise their church on a news segment with softball questions, they jump right at the chance, but when cornered on specifics about their pay as you go religion, they are suddenly at a loss for words.
Odd since their cornerstone, supposedly, is built on communication.