Monday, October 4, 2010

A Peek Inside Jon Stewart's 'Earth (The Book)'

Earth to LRon, come in LRon
Jon Stewart's 'Earth; (The Book) A Visitor's Guide to the Human Race.'
WWP ~ Reported a few days ago over at WhyWeProtest, there seem to be some lulzy excerpts contained in Jon Stewart's 'Earth; (The Book) A Visitor's Guide to the Human Race regarding L.Ron Hubbard's way-out-there religion, Scientology.

To bad they didn't have a Daily Show back when Scientology was conceived. I guess the closest thing to it at the time was The Today Show (1952), but in name only, lol.

Below are some of the honorable mentions:
You from Jersey? I'm from Jersey. What exit?
new jersey turnpike"...Like many religions, The Church of Scientology was incorporated in New Jersey in 1953.

Its highest-level practitioners learned that Earth's problems began when Xenu, evil ruler of the Galactic Confederacy, brought billions of humans to earth 75 millions years ago and killed them with hydrogen bombs.

This information was kept hidden from non-Scientologists, as learning it before years of costly preparation could induce involuntary physical responses, including but not limited to laughter, eye-rolling, and exclamations of "Are you serious!?"
Lovely Rita, Meter Maid
scientology stress test
Also reported, the following photographs with labeling attached:

e-meter: 'Through judicious use of the E-Meter, Scientology auditors were able to remove countless Thetans ("dollars") from followers.'

And a picture of a mock personality test involving such questions as:
• 'How much money do you make?' • 'Where do you keep it?' • 'Do you know any celebrities?' • 'Do you know any gay celebrities?' • 'Quick -- what's your pin number?'
You've Got Mail DNA
trementina base
And at the beginning of the book, where it discusses places to send DNA samples for future reconstitution by alien lifeforms, those with names starting from A-L are told to send theirs [plus the form] to the Svalbard Seed Vault.

But those with M-Z names (how lucky for Miscavige, but too bad for Cruise) are told to ship them to Scientolgy's desert stronghold, Trementina Base.
Trementina Base
37 Ultra-Secret But Totally Real Scientology Mountain Base Avenue
Trementina, NM 88349
Attention: David Miscavige, Project Administrator
The Daily Show: This Week In God - Scientology
And just for the lulz, from Jul.28.05 (back before Colbert spun-off to his own show) Stephen runs down the world of religion, from a Hindu McDonald's and Pope Benedict XVI to Scientology: Religion of the Stars. [jump to 1:31]

Tip of the 'ol space-helmet visor to JustMissedMe, and DeathHamster.

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