Scientology's Planetary Disaster Averted

According to showbizspy.com, Tom Cruise and BFF David Miscavage, are moving over to the hairstyling department in the Robot Refurbishment Division of the Scilon Empire.

Katie Holmes' stunning new look is the work of husband Tom Cruise and Scientology chief David Miscavige, according to reports. I guess when Tom was describing something that was "Katie has put up with constant commentary about how awful she looks," a source tells Britain's Grazia magazine, "but as cruel as some people's words have been, she took notice. The makeover was Tom and David's idea."

I guess when Tom was describing something as wild and woolly on the leaked church DVD last year, he wasn't talking about Scientology, just Miscavage's hairpiece.
Ahh, yes. I can hear the conversation the planet clearing threesome had in their Xenu DC-8 space-plane right now:

• Tom: "I'm short".
• David: "Me, too".
• Katie: "You two should get extensions".
• David & Tom: "Yeaaaah!" [high five].
• Katie: "My hair is short".
• David & Tom:"You should get extensions"[high five].
• Katie: "Um,OK. I'm going shopping".
• David & Tom: "Yeaaaah!" [high five].

Wheeew! galactic planetary disaster averted! Now these thetan infested Hubbardites can get back to the business at hand, which is....I have no frigg'n clue.
But it must be important, because Scientoligists all over the galaxy are paying, so they can do it.