Sunday, September 6, 2009

Xenu Abducts Google's 'O', Awaiting Ransom Demands

Google's mystery UFO doodle finally explained?
According to ...a mysterious doodle appeared on the Google home page. It showed an alien spacecraft making off with the second "O" in the word 'Google' Were we really expected to merely 'gogle' now? Didn't that sound uncomfortably close to 'ogling'?

Though there were no references to the Church of Scientology, Google's first pronouncement on the subject did not quell the concern. The questionably benign company declared: "We consider the second 'o' critical to user recognition of our brand and pronunciation of our name. We are actively looking into the mysterious tweet that has appeared on the Google twitter stream and the disappearance of the 'o' on the Google home page. We hope to have an update in the coming weeks...

UNews has learned from a Google employee that wishes to remain anonymous, that the above cnet press release is just spin to cover-up the fact that Xenu, Scientology's dreaded galactic overlord, is none too pleased with the way Google has been heavily promoting Scientology through it's Adsense delivery system. He then had one of his Marcabian spies infiltrate Google's server base, abduct the 'O' and embed Xenu's calling card into their search engine icon.

To appease the galactic overlord, Google suspended several Scientology based channels on YouTube. They consisted of: RonSavelo, FreedomMagazineTV, scientologyTVshow, BusinessWiseTV, freedomMAGtv, HumanMindCourse and FreedomMagTVShow. In showing this good-faith gesture, Google hopes to save their virgin 'O' from any probing that abductees are reported to have to endure.
As of this printing, there is no word on what Xenu's ransom demands will entail.

Most Scientologists wouldn't have thought this possible, because they still believe, according to their scriptures, that Xenu has been held in an electronic mountain trap powered by an eternal battery, from which he still has not escaped....or so they thought.

In August 1945, when the United States dropped a uranium gun-type device code-named "Little Boy" on the Japanese city of Hiroshima and a plutonium implosion-type device code-named "Fat Man" on the city of Nagasaki, Japan, this was apparently enough to disrupt the electronic prison that he was sentenced to spend an eternity within.

Xenu first appeared during the 1947 Roswell incident as an unofficial member of the mop-up team and is rumored to have mothballed his DC-8 space fleet somewhere in the New Mexican desert. It's still unclear if he still has ties to the US's shadow government.

In the latest known video of Xenu from 2008, he can be seen reenacting the ancient Marcabian Resistance dance [below] in front of a Scientology center in Manchester, UK. He has not been heard from until this recent incident.

We all here at UNews send Google's 'O' our fondest wishes, and may this catastrophic event be solved in Xenu speed.

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