Lack of 'big-tube' WiFi Causes Senator Stevens Air Crash

Lake Aleknagik, AK ~ Former United States Senator Ted 'the internet, it's not a big truck, it's a series of tubes' Stevens was killed in a plane crash in southwestern Alaska on Monday night. Five of the nine people on board the gigantic Google/YouTube 787 transporter headed to a remote fishing lodge were killed in the crash.

The rescue crew was not able to reach the crash site for more than 12 hours after the accident because of rain, high winds and heavy fog in an area of mountains and lakes north of Bristol Bay, not to mention all the Verizon FIOS installation trucks blocking the remote passes.

The plane went undetected by radar because in the area where it went down, about 20 miles north of Dillingham, there is no radar, wifi or cable coverage, according to one fishing lodge expert familiar with the area. The expert asked not to be identified because the FCC/Fish & Wildlife Div. is in charge of releasing information. The section of internet being transported was under DMCA Safe-Harbor flight rules, two people familiar with the area said, meaning that it was not being directed through normal routes that would normally tag and track it.

Movie tech, Eddy Troutman, said,"...Stevens wanted to watch a movie while fishing, so we arranged with YouTube to transport a tube of the internet up to his fishing lodge. Had I known the movie was Convoy, I would have refused. Everybody knows the internet's not a big truck, and it can't handle that many at once either..."

Unconfirmed reports suggest a false DMCA take-down may have been the cause of that particular section of the internet to crash.The RIAA was not answering their phones and could not be reached for comment.



Mr. Stevens, who had been the longest-serving Republican in the United States Senate while representing Alaska, was 86. He also advocated for a bridge connecting two sparsely-populated Alaskan islands, commonly known as the "Bridge to Nowhere" (not to be confused with Scientology's Bridge to Nowhere).

Even though nobody in the media contacted them, Scientology spokesperson, Tommy Davis, released a statement claiming "...Xenu and his rocket-powered DC-8 was not responsible for the senator's crash." Adding,"...if anybody in the media reports that, they're a religious bigot."